I have realized that I have a congenital disease passed on from mother to daughter in all upper-middle-class suburbs. It is beyond my mental, emotional and physical capabilities to spend less than $100 at Target. I bet House could find a cure, but as it stands right now, in a House-less world, I am just a victim of the disease....destined to suffer for eternity.
Today I went to Target for 2 packs of diapers. That is $35 (we split 50/50 cheap Target brand and expensive Pampers to get the double-whammy self-esteem boost associated with spoiling your child and also being fiscally responsible). I spent a total of $310.28. I am not entirely sure what I bought with that $310.28, but I know I walked out of the store feeling really good about myself and enjoying the spending-high.
Okay that is a total lie - I know exactly what I bought because it is what I always buy at Target: luxurious crap. It is important to differentiate total crap with luxurious crap. Wal*mart sells total crap. Target, however, sells you crap you don't need but are willing to pay a lot of money to put it in your house. I would never spend more than $5 on hair products I don't need at Wal*mart and yet I will lay down $10 in 3 seconds flat at Target for the same thing.
Today I bought both a curling iron and a hair straightener. I have both already, but for some reason I felt the need to 'upgrade' my hair tools b/c the price was reasonable and it felt luxurious to pamper myself with new, ionic, ceramic hair tools in shiny packaging. It should be noted that I wear my hair in a non-straightened and non-curled ponytail everyday of my life.
I also bought my dogs new toys and treats. It should be noted that my dogs eat each others' feces.
I also bought women's multi-vitamins. It should be noted that I eat my son's Flintstone vitamin (of which we have 300 remaining) everyday when he inevitably rejects it to embrace his status as the only monstrous 2-year old on the planet who is anemic.
I also bought new powder, foundation, make-up remover, mascara and lip-gloss. It should be noted that I already have a years' supply of each from the last time I went to Target. But the make-up remover, mascara and lip-gloss were mostly organic, so I mentally chalked the purchase up to being a good citizen of the planet.
I also bought 2,500 stickers - I am not exaggerating. I actually bought two 1,000 sticker boxes and 20 more 4-sheet packs of stickers. I spent over $30 on stickers. As I type this, I am concerned about my mental stability b/c again - I'm not really sure why I felt the need to buy 2,500 stickers.It should be noted that I am not a teacher; I do not really need to stick things; I am not crafty. I just bought them. I told myself 'You can put them in the kid's stocking at Christmas or you can give them to the preschool teacher. It is a good bargain and they are cute.'
Delusional.
What I should be spending $100 a week on is Target stock. But that is lame, so I'll keep filling my house with luxurious crap: it is the American way.
Comments