I semi-recently attended an offsite retreat with my company. It lived up to every glorius expectation: there was team-building galore, drunken foolery, 'training', inspirational videos and speeches, games, clapping, cheering,singing (no joke....around a campfire to boot), and mad quantities of chicken entree's consumed.
I did what I always do at these things - stand in the back and make fun of everyone else. Because I'm mean. Like, really mean. It became evident in the first 20 minutes that I have not really progressed beyond high school.
But, I'm here to make my case to you that I'm not evil. You would have done the exact same thing.
Here's the scene: A group of 80 or so professionals of all kinds are seated in groups of 6 around tables watching a screen. On this screen flashes inspirational sayings in different fonts with backgrounds of inspirational photos....like clouds, andfighter jets, and football teams, and smiling kids. Some song like 'We are the World' plays in the background. This proceeds for 5 loooooong minutes. At the end a woman, the event planner, approaches the stage to thank her team for helping her put together such a fantastic offsite. She begins crying. She is overcome with joy that so many wonderful people have worked with her. She is crying so hard that she can't speak; she can bearly breathe. The audience averts their eyes. I snicker to the dude next to me 'You have got to be kidding me? What the hell?' He has a soul and so just pretends not to hear (though he clearly heard me).
Someone decides the only solution is to begin clapping. I refuse to join in as I do not deem an emotional breakdown at a corportate retreat worth applaud. Woman manages to somehow pull it together enough to finish up her speech. As if she is somehow lifted by her colleagues' applause. WTF?
This can't be real life. It is an ABSOLUTE miracle companies actually make money.
