These are my dress clothes

A: GG for the masses

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a fashionista (and by fashionista, I mean I religiously follow Target fashion).  So of course I was ecstatic to learn that Target was releasing a new line of Gossip Girl inspired clothes by the designer, Anna Sui.  Word has it that there will be nineteen GG character inspired looks and the clothes will be available September 13th - October 17th, which means that we all have 2.5 months to decide which GG we want to dress like.  Click here for a slideshow.  The clock is ticking....

C: I'm a big, fat lame-O

Sometimes it takes an outside opinion to show you that need to make a change.

Like when Amazon sends you an email stating:

"As a fan of paranormal teen fiction, you may like this new book."

A fan of paranormal teen fiction? It sounds so harsh when you say it out loud. So I like YA lit, so what?! Amazon has no right to judge me...did they really have to use the word "paranormal"? It sounds so creepy.

Then, I get a call from Amy letting me know that our favorite magazine, Domino, had been canceled and replaced with Glamour.

Sure enough, I look in my mailbox and find the following statement from Domino:

"With regret, we have decided that we will no longer be publishing Domino. In its place, we will be sending you Cookie....."

WTF?!?! Amy gets Glamour and I get Cookie? That is clearly zip-code profiling. Just b/c Amy lives in some posh, up-and-coming, "transitional", city neighborhood and I live in the burbs DOES NOT mean that I should be treated as a Cookie-reader!

I mean, sure, I shop at Super Wal*mart (who doesn't want to save money and live better!), go to bed before 9pm on most nights (I don't want to look old), love CBS (How I Met Your Mother is completely hilarious) and a good cake-mix recipe but as God as my witness I will NOT become a Cookie-subscriber!

C: Oh, I get by

When people say "I get by" it is usually a way for them to say they are good at something without actually saying they are good at something. Like if you happen to be a brilliant investment banker (doubtful those exist anymore), then your answer to "how are your retirement funds doing?" could be "Oh, I get by".

When it comes to fashion, I like to think that 'I get by'. The reality is that I could probably only claim that within the context of my neighborhood subdivision, which just happens to be filled with retirees and stay-at-home moms. Not that retirees aren't fashionable in their own right - nobody can rock elastic-waist pants like a 65 year-old woman. And not that stay-at-home moms aren't fashionable - they are, but they have the luxury of wearing pj's and workout clothes all day long, so I tend not to witness their dormant fashionista. If I were a stay-at-home mom, I would totally wear my gym clothes all day long. So, I'm speaking from a point of jealousy, not snobbery....just want to be clear.

I got to thinking about my own personal fashion sense today when I visited my parents' house. My little brother brought his girlfriend home for Easter and apparently decided to give her the ultimate commitment test - he broke out the family photo albums. Now, I should mention that my brother is somewhat of a male model. He has an agent and has done some fashion shows, but isn't to the point where you would recognize him. But, he went through some fairly awkward times in the mid-90's and those were the photos he was showing the girlf.

Amid the pictures of my awkward little bro shooting hoops and playing baseball, I happened upon a picture that should have been burned years ago. I count 1990-1993 as the 'Forgotten Years'....as in God clearly forgot about me and I really, desperately would like to forget those years; see below:

As you view this picture, I'm sure several questions come to mind - I will go ahead and answer them for you:

• Yes, that dress is made of fabric meant for the draperies of a octogenarian
• Yes, those are giant bow earrings with fake pearl drops
• Yes, I blend nicely with the wretched wallpaper and purposefully posed in front of it hoping for a nice effect
• No, I did not have a boyfriend [I realize you didn't really ask that because, I mean....COME ON]
• Yes, my parents did pay for those glasses with actual American money
• No, DFCS was never called in....though I agree that they probably should have gotten involved at this point....there are many forms of parental neglect
• Yes, the hairdo was on-purpose and not a result of a demonic, possessed curling-iron
• Yes, I thought the shoe bows added just the right amount of something extra to the outfit; 'understated' was not in my vocabulary

The good news is that with such an insanely low starting point, I can feel very confident that I have come a long way (I read Lucky, and some of it must sink in). Tim Gunn wouldn't lavish me with praise, but he wouldn't vomit at my sight either. Oh - and I should probably apologize to those of you who did, in fact, vomit at the sight of this picture. Perhaps it will bring you comfort to know that you were not the only one.