These are my dress clothes

C: She gets around...the pound

So, it has become increasingly apparent to me that my dog Dulce, is a little, shall we say "loose".

It all started innocent enough, I mean, she is a friendly dog. And she doesn't discriminate against males and females. Or so I thought. Then I noticed the tell-tale signs that maybe it was something more than just an inherently friendly nature. Her good buddy Laddie (looks just like Lassie but male, hence the name) came to visit and instead of just running around chasing each other, she made some advances. I passed it off as harmless preteen flirting, but a part of me got concerned when Laddie seemed scared of her and retreated back to his yard much more quickly than usual. She is just showing dominance, I told myself.

Then we started getting the notes from school. Well, Doggy Day Camp.

"Dulce sure loves all the boys. She is such a flirt."

"What a sweet girl, always plays with the boys."

"She couldn't decide which of the boys to play with first. She just had to play with all of them today"

I began to see behind the cutsie smiley faces on the notes and recognized the edge of judgment in their tone. A part of me realized that "play" was an euphemism for another act, but what parent allows that thought to really sink in?

Then we got the news every parent dreads: Dulce had started a fight with another female camper. The counselor (yes, they are called counselors) said that as the dogs were lining up to go back to their pens after playtime and Dulce "just turned on the other dog out of the blue and attacked." They said "maybe it is the heat" to make me feel better about my parenting skills, as daycare workers and camp counselors are trained to do.

But I know the truth; I had to spend $750 to fix my dog (she lost the fight in about 10 seconds, apparently) after she got into a girl-fight over her boy-toys. The shame. The shame.

C: Spunky Monkey

Today I rearranged my favorite pet rankings. Yesterday my 2 dogs were tied for first placed followed distantly by my son's hermit crab, Spunky (or "monkey" as he says). Spunky was in third place because Spunky is very non-spunky. He is an exceptionally hermitous hermit crab who serves as an exemplary model of his species. And thus, he is a very boring pet. I have spent the past several weeks (Spunky joined the family at Christmas) trying desperately to get Spunky to come out by tricking him into thinking that I am a statue and thus non-threatening. It has not been a successful endeavor...and also is likely a sign that I have reached a truly pathetic phase of my life.

Back to the dogs. I have a Sheltie and an Aussie/Retriever mix. They have no known skills though are theoretically smart dogs. This morning they proved beyond reasonable doubt that their level of intellect is highly theoretical. I woke up, went downstairs to let the Aussie out. I then noticed that the Sheltie was missing. I called; she didn't come. Then I heard a distinct distant chewing sound. On go the lights and I discover that my Sheltie is eating the Aussie's poop...in my living room. So, in the middle of the night my Aussie pooped in the living room (despite the fact that she was let out at 11pm) and then my genius Sheltie, upon discovering the prize at 5am this morning, thought "hmm, waste discarded by my sister's body....sounds like a good, nutritious first meal of the day". So, both dogs dropped to the bottom of the list.

Back to the hermit crab. So tonight I tried a new hermit crab food (realize this is all riveting stuff...but hey, welcome to my life), and low and behold, Spunky got spunky!!!! I cannot describe my elation accurately. He abandoned his fear of me and I got to watch him eat for the first time. It was actually not that interesting, but I feel like this is major progress in our relationship and I'm sure he has more tricks up his sleeve that will become apparent as his trust in my grows.