A: Apoca-crap, part 2

Ahhh---the Apocalypse.  Caitlyn speaks the truth…I am fascinated by how one survives in a post apocalyptic world.  And really, the apocalypse can be anything:  war, alien invasion, climate changes, plagues.  My interest lies less in the event and more in the survival tips.  I was raised with zero survival skills so it’s amazing to me to read how others seem to manage.  I have no idea which plants are edible and which ones are not.  My mom did such a good job instilling a fear of fire in me that to this day, I can barely light a match.   And to me, camping is staying at an ‘Inn’ as in Fairfield or Hampton Inn. 

So as you can see, it’s very unlikely that I will make it more than a week or two.  Knowing that, I feel like I should pass on what I’ve learned from my extensive research with those of you who have a shot at survival but lack a plan.

 

1. There is no such thing as too many canned goods.  Seriously.  You cannot own enough. Stock up.  And be sure to own a manual can opener.  Eventually, your canned goods will run out, but it’s important to horde in the beginning.   Survival of the fittest is now your reality.

2. Prepare to be cold.  I don’t know why, but everything I’ve read about the apocalypse is that it is going to be cold.  Think heavy layers and wood burning stoves.  I like to use seat warmers in the summer, so if the lack of clean water doesn’t kill me, this definitely will.

3. In the event of a man-made disaster, like a pandemic or a nuclear attack, you’ll want to be in a rural location, preferably near a mineral rich area like a salt mine.  Even after watching two seasons of Jericho, I still don’t know why your body needs sodium or how you use salt to cure meat.  But, I do know that you can trade stuff for it, like wind turbines. 

4. In the event of a climate related disaster, head straight for the city.  Once the climate goes, so will the sun and our food sources will stop producing.  At this point, you will be completely dependent on government stock piles of food.   Consider southern cities like Austin or Phoenix and be prepared to wait in line.

5. Align yourself with a teenager.  Let’s face it… now that civilization as we know it will no longer exist, you can kiss goodbye the days of living into your 80s.  You’ll need to align yourself with the young and healthy (see  point 1 above).   Think of the lost boys of
Sudan.   If they had adult supervision, they might not have made it out.

So, if you are ready to join the paranoia, here’s a list of my favorite dooms day books:

Hunger games by Suzanne Collins

Life as we knew it by Susan Beth Pfeffer

The dead and the gone by Susan Beth Pfeffer

City of Ember by Jeanne Duprau

The Host by Stephanie Meyer

Blindness by Jose Saramago

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

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Comments

[Skip]

I am surprised to see The Road, an actual literary work, on the same list as a book by the author of those waste of time Twilight books. The Road is of course the only book on this list that I have read. From that I learned that really the thing to do in case of apocalypse is to kill yourself early before you're killed or enslaved by someone else. If you do it early enough, while there's still gasoline available, you can close yourself in the garage and die of carbon monoxide poisoning and the whole experience of apocalypse will be mostly pleasant.

[Caitlyn]

Oh Skip...I bet you haven't even read Twilight. I vote you give it a decent chance. It will be totally worth it to you as you are slipping out of consiousness while succumbing to carbon monoxide poisoning. Do you really want to have your last thought to be of The Road? NO! You want it to be some sublime fantasy about a teenage vampire!