The reason this post is so late-coming is that I've been struggling with 'work-life balance' as of late. And by 'balance' I mean that I've been working non-stop and thus my life has sucked. Work-life balance is touted as the holy grail for working parents. Some land of milk and honey that is attainable for everyone if you just try hard enough and prioritize correctly. It is the modern American Dream: happy kids, happy spouse, engaging career, oh my!
Here's the deal: it is total bullshit (sorry for the cursing, Mom). There is no way to have a perfect career (i.e. not a JOB) and have a perfect home. Completely IMPOSSIBLE. In my 2 years of extensive research: reading blogs, news articles, attending women leadership seminars, mentoring programs, Covey this and Covey that, reading books, bitching with coworkers....etc, I have yet to find any clue as to how to do this right and maintain a real 'balance' of happy work and happy home lives. In fact, I am getting worse at it as I go along.
Here is why: the better you are at work - the more they will pull you to work; the better you are as a parent/spouse - the more they will pull you to home. It is easiest to see in the workplace - the best worker in the office is always the busiest - not because they are inefficient; quite the opposite actually, because he/she is soooo efficient! Home is the same way - kids are never satisfied with just a little quality time and the more fun you are, the more time they want.
The only glimmer of hope that I have gleamed is that the key to it all is to lower your expectations and to eliminate all feelings of guilt. People will tell you all the time "just prioritize and learn to say no". What they do not tell you is how to say no and not feel the guilt. And I'm not just talking about work....learning to say no to your kid and not feel guilty is definitely a zen-master-level skill. A mentor once told me that all that matters is that you can look yourself in the eye at the end of every single day and be okay with the choices you made - not ecstatic, not fully satisfied, but just plain 'okay'. That is the key - making 'okay' better than just 'okay' to you.
Given that no one has ever managed to give me any clue as to how to achieve this, I have devised a strategy of my own: live life like whack-a-mole. So, here's the deal: no one is good at whack-a-mole. Except maybe those freakish carnies that run the game. The only way you have a chance at the flea-infested pink teddy bear prize is to focus on 2, maybe 3 holes and whack like mad. If you try to cover the whole playing field, it will be a miracle if you score a single point. But you have to really, really focus and commit to the plan or you will end up straying to the other holes and dying a sad death as the game beats you down. If you really, really focus on the 2-3 holes and completely IGNORE the other holes, then you have a small chance at success. You just have to remember every single second of the day that by focusing on the 2-3 goals in life you are winning the game.
Yes, I just used a lame sports/game metaphor, but given that you are going to need to explain this to your boss/coworkers when you say 'no' over and over again....you need to use language they can relate to and we all know that everyone in the working world understands sports/games metaphors.
Oh and in case you want more sources to read [yes, you should check out the links above!!!] - here are a few more good ones that in no way give you an actual plan to improve your life, but are inspiring in some regard:
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